I've been sending off great piles of very dull emails recently, mostly saying, "Just wanting to confirm that blah blah blah", "blah blah" in this case equalling a number of wedding details and payments - mostly payments, thank goodness. I am sick of thinking about details. The florist who is making our bouquets called me today to check exactly what shade of lisianthus I wanted, and did I want berries in the bridesmaids' bouquets? To which I replied, "Whatever you think is best, I really don't mind." She sounded enthusiastic about this - it must be an awful pain trying to do your job with your clients wanting control over every last detail of what you produce.
Speaking of clients - the other day a client who had arrived for a meeting said to me, after shaking my boss's hand, "Do we kiss?" And before I could think of a polite way to say no, kissing your lawyer whom you've met once before is not generally considered de rigueur, he lunged for my hand and smooched at my cheek. Bleh. My little mental entry with his face attached to it has now changed from "pleasant enough" to "mildly creepy". Why is there no socially acceptable way to tell physically intrusive people to back the fuck off? Next time I will stick my hand out first and endeavour to crush his.
Oh! OH! I had a revelation about social behaviour last week. For most of my life, I have wandered around happily accepting that many men have revoltingly limp handshakes. And the other day, when we met a bloke to discuss suit hire, he flopped his hand in and out of mine without actually moving it at all, and I mentioned what a terrible handshake he had to Prince Valiant as we left. He looked surprised. "Oh no," he said, "that's just because you're a woman. He was fine with me." I was aghast. Men use different handshakes with women? I had no idea - and yet this is obviously why so many men I've encountered have that unpleasant dead fish handshake. I had just thought they were all really bad at it, and I always softened off my handshake in response. Honestly, do they have to go through a little mental checklist every time they're introduced to someone? "Suit jacket, wearing pants - argh! High heels! Quick, slacken your hand!" The next person who does that to me is going to get my patented bone-cracking grip in response. (Which is, admittedly, not terribly scary - my hands are not what you'd call enormously strong. But I'll give it my best shot.)
Speaking of clients - the other day a client who had arrived for a meeting said to me, after shaking my boss's hand, "Do we kiss?" And before I could think of a polite way to say no, kissing your lawyer whom you've met once before is not generally considered de rigueur, he lunged for my hand and smooched at my cheek. Bleh. My little mental entry with his face attached to it has now changed from "pleasant enough" to "mildly creepy". Why is there no socially acceptable way to tell physically intrusive people to back the fuck off? Next time I will stick my hand out first and endeavour to crush his.
Oh! OH! I had a revelation about social behaviour last week. For most of my life, I have wandered around happily accepting that many men have revoltingly limp handshakes. And the other day, when we met a bloke to discuss suit hire, he flopped his hand in and out of mine without actually moving it at all, and I mentioned what a terrible handshake he had to Prince Valiant as we left. He looked surprised. "Oh no," he said, "that's just because you're a woman. He was fine with me." I was aghast. Men use different handshakes with women? I had no idea - and yet this is obviously why so many men I've encountered have that unpleasant dead fish handshake. I had just thought they were all really bad at it, and I always softened off my handshake in response. Honestly, do they have to go through a little mental checklist every time they're introduced to someone? "Suit jacket, wearing pants - argh! High heels! Quick, slacken your hand!" The next person who does that to me is going to get my patented bone-cracking grip in response. (Which is, admittedly, not terribly scary - my hands are not what you'd call enormously strong. But I'll give it my best shot.)
6 comments:
Oh yes, widely known that men shake hands with women quite differently. Think about how many women you shake hands with who give stupidly crappy handshakes. So, what I do is give them the good grip.
Ok, so my handshake is: a good grip, one shake, we're done.
So, I do it for everyone. Anyone who tries to be limp and stupid, I squeeze and drop. And generally, look away as I do it. But a lot of men will shake back and say, "Wow, you have a great handshake!" To which I reply, "You can judge a man by his handshake."
And by the way, I do...judge. I hate limp fish. Generally, if someone has given me a bad handshake, I avoid talking to them. It's quite nice, such a simple gesture thins the heard for me!
And P.S. It is SOOO annoying to have bridezillas or their families trying to direct your art. So if it's a florist, it's probably about colors and stuff. For me, it's all about them saying, "You want me to stand over THERE???" And then I say, "Well, you did pay me to do this." So, I'm not surprised at her excitement. She probably thinks you're the best bride ever.
I didn't know that either. Let's end handshake discrimination right now! And unnecessary kissing in the workplace. As you put it, blech. Joint-cracking handshakes from all to all from henceforth ...
Men shake our hands differently? Are you freaking kidding me? I had no idea. That is so insulting. From now on I will make an effort to put all my force into my handshakes with men!
I also shake hands when meeting new men but have never had the limp fish, thank goodness.
As for creepy client and his kissing, not just creepy but bad manners.
I freaking hate that. It makes me feel belittled that a man thinks he has to shake my hand that way. I always do the same as anti-radio and shake extra hard.
Yeah, the limp fish is awful AR - I'm going to be squeezing more in future.
The kissing was a bit gross Charlotte - I'm not sure why clients think just because their lawyer's a woman they suddenly have a social relationship where smooching is appropriate.
It is insulting, Courtney - I hope you crush many limp fish in the future.
I shake hands when meeting everyone Jahteh - it's just automatic. I'm always a bit surprised when people move in for a hug - especially if they're a client I barely know, because yes, that is bad manners. The guy's a wedding celebrant too - you'd think he'd have some social skills.
Good on you TB - crush away!
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